Bemused, I honestly have a whole bunch of answers for you, but I think it would just bring us to circular reasoning and prove unproductive in the long run, as I cannot agree with you (though I see your very salient and well-expressed point of view). I guess we will have to agree to disagree. No member of my family would EVER take money for making a shidduch (especially for a family member). The knowledge that their action contributed to building another B”N”B would be reward enough, as it would be with ANY chessed that we did for someone. It is not the same as service providers who are paid for the entertainment, food preparation and decoration of a simcha. Ultimately it is the boy and girl involved who are doing the most work in making the shidduch. The shadchan is a conduit. And while I agree one needs to pay the toll at a bridge, the price of the toll should not be unreasonably high, or people will find an alternate route. I knwo you don’t share my opinion, and I can respect you for the opinion that you do hold. I guess I am a little more idealistic and feel there are certain mitzvos people should do for others without thought of compensation because a) they are in a position to help and b)I was brought up that way. I often babysat for free, too, and my husband has tutored kids for free, as well when he knew they had little in the way of funds. If a shadchan knows of a perfect shidduch for someone and will NOT follow through because she knows the person will be unable to give shadchanus – that bothers me a lot.
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