Thanks for replying, oomis
“I guess I am a little more idealistic and feel there are certain mitzvos people should do for others without thought of compensation because a) they are in a position to help and b)I was brought up that way.”
Although I said I wouldn’t continue, I do want to make the point that I feel I cannot be idealistic “for other people”. In my own personal life, I do give many, many hours of my time for chessed, although I can’t specify in such a public place. I was also brought up to be idealistic and to give without thought of compensation, and that is how I and my family conduct our lives. I was ALSO brought up to be extremely careful with other people’s parnassa, and to pay people properly. So I cannot be idealistic for other people, I can only be idealistic for myself. For me to say I feel x amount of money is unnecessary to pay a shadchan is not me being idealistic, it is me being mercenary trying to save a buck while I know good and well I will not be doing the same to the band.
Furthermore, although in my work I do a lot of chessed, I don’t work for free or for “token amounts for hakoras hatov”, and I don’t expect the shadchanim to do any differently. I am sure there are many shadchanim who give ma’aser of their time to help out the poor in shadchanim, just like I do in my profession.