Jewishandworking22,
Aside from the fact that perhaps you are unfamiliar with the mekoros stating you need to pay customary rate to a shadchan (not a “gift”- that you can save for me for educating you :)), I like your analogy to a real estate broker. Finally, an analogy that makes sense to me, better than the ones I’ve come up with.
Oomis,
“If people would stop paying such exhorbitant amounts, which apparently they can afford, then perhaps those others who cannot afford it would be able to benefit from those services as well at far lower costs. I would love to see a truly GREAT shadchan refuse to take mroe than $500 for the shidduch. I am betting that she would get more people coming to her, and the others would be forced to lower their fees.”
I think it’s the amount that bothers you, which as I noted before, is so puzzling to me. I think it’s much more important than a band, wine on the men’s tables, or a shmorg. I am the type that buys my children’s shoes in Target, gets hand-me-down clothing from relatives, and doesn’t know what the inside of a restaurant looks like, because of financial reasons. And yet, 1500 to pay my child’s shadchan seems far from “exorbitant”, it even feels like underpaying. If parents think it is important enough to save up for chassunahs, this is an important piece of that. When a parent writes a list of chassunah expenses and how much to save up, the shadchan’s fee should be front and center, although much less than so many other, almost frivolous things that are “must-haves” on most lists. A band is a “must-have”, and the shadchan fee is “exorbitant”? Something has happened to our priorities along the way…
And I thought I wouldn’t be posting on this anymore…sorry 🙂