hello99, she is not sending mixed messages, she has told me exactly what she says to them, and in fact showed me her profile on-line, to see if I thought she HAD been clear enough. I found what she posted to be very straightforward and honest. She specifies she does not want a boy who is sitting and learning, but rather, one who sets time to learn on a regular basis, and has a full-time parnassah in his chosen field for which he was secularly educated. They somehow do not believe that she is serious, apparently.
My own daughter has had a problem with both private shadchanim and frum websites that consistently redt shidduchim to her with guys who have dogs or are real outdoorsy types, when she has specified she is deathly afraid of dogs and is not Miss Nature Girl. It only shows that the shadchanim either really are not paying attention or simply do not care, because they KNOW better, and if she likes the guy it won’t matter. But it DOES matter, because guys who have dogs (and their families) do not get how someone can be so scared of them, and insist on “exposing” her to dogs “for her own good.” Now I agree it would be wonderful if my daughter could get over that fear for lots of reasons having nothing to do with shidduchim. But it is not up to a stranger to decide what is good for her. They have to respect her enough to hear what she is saying.