From my view, the “issue” is not age gaps, shadchanim or available pool of people to date. We (all involved in shidduchim are meant) ask to many questions and too many dates are shot down because the answers did not match the script we wanted to hear, or the voice inflections seemingly implied something else, or we couldnt find answers etc… Stop asking so many questions, go out on the date and find out for yourself.
With very few exceptions, I have asked people not to use my name as a shidduch reference. Too many people have misconstrued too many things I did or did not say that shidduchim have been broken off or dates not gone on. For example.
Caller: I understand you know shprintze yentas family. What are they like?
Me: (having answered the phone after an hour of studying with my child for a chemistry test, and am all frazzled). Yes, I know the family, they are neighbors for several years. Very nice family.
Caller: Very nice? I notice you didnt say wonderful, why?
Me: Because very nice and wonderful mean the same thing to me, and very nice is what popped into my head at this moment. If it makes you feel better, they are a wonderful family, absolutely wonderful. (It was all downhill from there…shprintze yenta had no chance at a date with this guy, he probably figured I was hiding the fact that mr yenta was an axe murderer or something.)
Another time:
Caller. How would you describe her looks?
Me: (deliberating whether I should bother telling him that looks are in the eyes of the beholder, and then considering a tasteful way to describe a rather good looking girl, figuring it isnt appropriate for me to discuss the looks of my wifes friends, finally settling on….) “people find her to be an attractive girl”.
Caller: People? what about you, does that mean YOU dont find her attractive?
Me: With all due respect, I have a wife and this discussion is beginning to make me uncomfortable. Tell you what, why dont you make a date with her and determine for yourself since everything else apparantly meets your criteria.
OR.
Caller: Do you know Ploni?
Me. Yes, pretty well. In fact Ive known him for close to 25 years.
Caller: Great. What was he like in sleepaway camp?
Me: Hmm…lets see, camp, we were in camp xxxx…
Caller: WHAT??!??! THAT CAMP??!?!?
Me: Well, he was all of 11 years old and today he’s over 30, people change – as I’m sure you have – in 20 years.
Caller: But THAT camp?!?!?! Its hashkafos are so “krumm”.
Me. Since attending that camp, Ploni has grown as a person and as a ben torah. In fact he has learned in some of the finest yeshivos in E”Y and the USA including Brisk and Lakewood.
Caller: (Still hung up on that camp) this really throws this suggesiton for a loop.
Me: Make believe you didnt hear me thinking aloud and pass the info to the girl in question, let her date Ploni and let her decide if THAT camp is a problem for her. Who are you to decide what is or is not good for her, after all she is close to 30 herself, by the way, what relationship are you to this girl?
Caller: Her father.
Me: Well, with the way you carriers on about a camp ploni attended 20 years ago, I’m not surprised your daughter is still single, you dont let her date anyone.
Caller: (inaudible mumbling, likely something unprintable on YWN), good night. SLAM.
So, stop asking ridiculous questions. Stop infering from answers what people may or may not have meant, let boys and girls date each other and see where the “crisis” goes.