AZ, sometime this year (sorry, don’t remember which parsha) Rabbi Reisman devoted a great deal of one of his motzei Shabbos shiurim to the historical imperative of treating bnos Yisroel with dignity. I don’t buy that the girls aren’t in the drivers’ seat. If they’re not, we are dealing with major cracks in the system – how can we expect the next dor to build batei neeman if they’re built on anything less than 100% ehrlichkeit from all sides?
Leaving all this aside, do you think we are doing our boys a service by sending them into marriage unprepared to deal with the realities of life, including but not limited to parnasa? I think you mentioned you have younger kids. Try to project yourself ten years from now and the kind of hadracha you plan on giving your daughters AND sons (if you don’t have both yet,iy”H, and may you have a happy full home and menucha, seriously).