AZ: I have two follow ups on your response; one sociological and one theological. You feel that “how could anyone fault him” yet previously you maintained that he “causes difficulties for the community” by marrying with a significant age gap. Based upon the societal goal of reducing the age gap, should not every man and woman endeavor to marry within a small age differential (i.e. 1 or 2 years age difference) with at least the same amount of energy as he endeavors to marry someone “attractive”? After all, some people reject many potential marriage prospects due to a perceived insufficiency in the “wow factor” of attractiveness; should not that same person reject – with the same energy he would reject a shidduch for other reasons – potential marriage prospects due to a greater difference in age than, say, 1 or 2 years?
The theological question is regarding your comment that “If boys were open to girls of … slight preference to the slightly older girls, we would see a very very significant reduction in the age gap in a very short period of time.” Is not the clear implication of your comment that by making these changes to accommodate the age gap issue, the net result will be that people will be marrying spouses they would otherwise not have married (hence your point that “we would see a very very significant reduction in the age gap” by taking these measures); yet how can that be implied, considering as we all know that ones “bashert” is decided 40 days prior to his birth (as explained, I believe, in the Gemorah by Rav Yehuda)? Since you say this change will occur within a “very short period of time”, clearly you expect the change to occur with the current (i.e. already born) generation who’s bashert was already decided!