This is so apropos to so many situations not just shiduchim as the saying goes “unsolicited advice is worth what you pay for it”. People have to learn to use the geder Hashem gave us our teeth and lips to stop unsolicited advice from slipping out of our mouths. If we are not asked for this kind of assistance or not asked for our opinion we really need to learn to keep it to ourselves.
In the shidduch parsha we don’t know how many rejections the family received when we assume that the family is being picky. We don’t know how many inappropriate shidduchim have been redt, we don’t know if the phone is ringing or if the child just broke up with someone, we don’t know. So unless this is our best friend or close family member where we are in the know or part of the process what right does any Yenta have to assume they should offer their advice?
In other instances we are also too quick to assume and judge instead of just giving the benefit of the doubt (dan l’kaf zchus) or just simply realize it is not our business and choose not to have an opinion on the subject because we are not involved and we don’t know ALL the details, no matter how many details the media brings forth, the yenta’s bring forth, the internet brings forth and so on. Unless we are there and saw everything with our own two eyes, heard everything with our own two ears we should not have an opinion. We really bury people’s reputations, destroy families and their success for the future with the loshon horah we spread with our high opinions of ourselves, our own knowledge and our own expert opinions. What we should work on more is to spread encouragement, build self-esteem and self-confidence in others. So try to remember what your parents taught you when you were little. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.