estherh,maybe if koach permits, keep a journal of your feelings, fears, kindnesses, and if possible share it with others who are also in pain. Keep in mind that while I would never minimize your pain, you have (hopfully) doctors and nurses and family members and medicine – there are also those who love you and hopefully are caring for you who are also in pain because they love you. It is horrible to feel so helpless when someone close to you is in such pain. We daven and try to stay uplifted but it is a struggle.
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