Esther H –
As a male, I really cannot comment on this topic, but as a human being and a parent, I will say that the comment was uncalled for.
Even if it has some source in Torah (which I do not ever remember hearing) its not what you say to the parent who suffered the loss. Besides, I could quote dozens of mamrei chazal that give real chizuk to people who have just been tested as you have. (first place to look would be to see how the Torah deals with the loss of nadav and avihu).
Sorry for your loss and pain (not sure which hurts more)