What you (and R’Krohn) say is true, but it is not always possible to let it just fly over our heads. Certain hurtful comments that are made when one is in personal distress (during a shiva, for example) cannot simply be glossed over. Others can, however. I think I may have mentioned once on this forum that many years ago when I was sitting shiva for my father O”H, an acquaintance of the family came in and went on and on how touched she was by all that she heard us saying about my dad, and then remarked that after hearing me speak, she realized I have so much in common with her daughter. Knowing that her daughter is an extremely articulate, brilliant, and lovely young woman I was momentarily awash in the compliment – UNTIL – she completed the sentence and said, “yes,you and my daughter both have a great deal in common. After my daughter got married, she also got heavy.” My sister’s and my jaws dropped, and then after she left the house we started to laugh non-stop, and I simply said, “Neechamtani, Mrs. So-And-So, neechamtani.” Now THAT was a shiva visit from shiva land!
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