Best Ima, believe me, I was not hurt. I had many diverse and disparate reactions to that extremely inappropriate comment, but I considered the source, the woman’s advanced age, and her inability to censor herself (possibly the onset of dementia), and I wasn’t angry at all. I was flabbergasted, hysterically laughing, dumbfounded, and in disbelief that someone actually said something negative about my appearance while I was sitting shiva. But it was more the shock of hearing the second half of her sentence, because I was set up for it to be a great compliment, and then was sandbagged!
That’s ok, I cannot begin to tell you what happened at the shiva we sat for my mother O”H, when another “helpful” friend of the family informed me that my sister had been the ugliest baby she had ever seen and she did not know how to be able to genuinely wish my parents mazel tov at that time, seeing as her OWN baby was so gorgeous (and brilliant, and perfect, blah, blah, blah). You HAVE to keep a sense of humor about these things. In the great scheme of things, my sister and I are none the worse for wear, and it only reinforced for us the proper way to be menacheim aveilim. And btw, my sister was a GORGEOUS baby. I SAW her pictures, and my mom always told us stories of how the nurses in the baby nursery couldn’t stop holding her and putting bows in her hair. I was a preemie and not so pretty at birth until I gained some weight (but the woman was adamant that she was not referring to ME, but to my sister).