Yeshivaguy222, I know you are frustrated. I really feel for you. And I will try to not repeat all that has already been said. But I beg you to imagine, for one second, that you are the girl. A girl who might be a size 8/10, but for some reason you are considered overweight, although you should be considered average. A girl who has spent the past 24 years working on who you are as a person – your middos, yiras shamayim, emunah, chesed, etc… (and yes, you also spent hours and hundreds of dollars on just the right outfit, getting your hair blown and nails done, etc.). As you walk down the staircase, you watch the boy’s face…and you already know he is going to say no. How you wish you could turn around and run back upstairs. The boy does not know a thing about you (except what the references said) besides your looks – and you have already been rejected. You try to ignore what is already obvious to you, and do your best to be engaging and dynamic throughout the date. It goes well, you both enjoy each other’s company, and yet, as you feared, he says no. And you begin to wonder why he bothered asking your references about your middos, personality, etc….when all he really cared about was your size. You feel degraded, realizing that your size has become more important than everything else you have to offer. As you cry yourself to sleep that night and the next, you cannot help but wonder how the boy you just dated is considered, according to everyone’s standards, to be a baal middos, a mentsch, and a ben torah.
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