Reply To: Making Stuff Up and Sources

Source: Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, siman kuf nun beis, sif yud alef. I will leave it up to you to interpret “devarim shel chiba” and if holding hands falls into this category.

Thank you for the source. I find R. Ganzfried’s choice of words very interesting. He says as follows:

??? ???? ???? ?? ???? ?????? ?? ???, ???? ???? ????? ?????? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ???? ?????

(My translation: One is not allowed to engage with his wife acts of chibah [purposely left untranslated] such as inspecting her head and the like in front of others lest it cause a viewer to think impure thoughts.)

You’ll note that the example of a typical “act of chibah” is inspecting the head. We in the 58th/21st century might be wondering what the heck he’s talking about.

The example that he gives (examining the head) actually comes right from the Rema in Even HaEzer 21:5. There, in a chapter that doesn’t even really relate to spousal relationships at all, tacks on a coda at the end of a ruling that states:

“and some say that one may not engage with one’s wife in acts of chibah such as inspecting the head to check for lice in front of others.”

There are two significant points to make about this Rema.

Firstly, it’s clearly NOT a universal opinion.

Secondly, the example he gives is an act that is very intimate — going through a spouses hair. That is, IMHO, far more intimate than holding hands — and I believe the Rema is setting the bar fairly high in what is considered an “act of chibah.”

The Wolf