The recent sharp rightward shift in some communities is certainly not helping. Boys who are not on the “future Rosh Yeshiva” track can be made to feel that they are second class Jews. Girls who can not keep up with the latest Tznius Hidurim are pushed out. The great narrowing of acceptable Hashkafah driven by the Slifkin ban drives out those who have a rationalist way of thinking.
For these 3 situations above the hope has to be to link with a moderate Charedei or Torah U’Mada community as I have done. Best is to find a moderate mentor (aseh le-cha Rav) that you can relate to.