Reply To: Learning But Not Being Supported

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How old is the girl? Is she really mature and ready for marriage or did she just come back from seminary and is still on the brainwash high?

If she is a mature young lady and has thought out what kind of married life and family she wants for herself, and she has chosen a “KOLEL” lifestyle and a husband that learns full time. Then she needs help to reach her goal. If she talks about marrying a “learning boy” then you need to have a real conversation with her and do a “reality check”.

There is a difference between the two as many have pointed out. When you “choose” to live the Kollel life you are making a commitment to give up “keeping up with the Jones or the Cohens”. Especially if your parents can’t afford to support you. You have to know whether or not you can bury the green eyed monster and truly not have any envy of what others have. It is not an easy nisayon because even when you live in a kollel community many young women wear what working families wear and many children are dressed to the hilt. The diamonds are sparkling and the wigs are brand new. Even the cars are leased and exchanged at regular intervals.

And of course there are others who struggle to make ends meet and are truly live the Kollel life because they are supporting themselves any which way they can. They chose to do so and they can’t look at others who have more than them because this is a choice that they make and they have the choice to change their minds. You don’t get to complain about what others have because YOU chose to live without. YOU do however, get to make other choices if it is not working out for you.

This is what this young lady needs to understand. If she chooses to support her husband in learning. It is not exactly necessary to go against her parents and go to “college” to get a degree. There are vocational courses that a person can take for different occupations such as graphic design, computers, medical billing, and other occupations that don’t involve a standard college. Anything that she does to put away money before she marries will be a great help and as someone else said can assist her to learn more to make more after she marries. She most likely will also be eligible for financial aid in college after she marries if she chooses to go, and any money she puts away before marriage will help sustain the household expenses.