I have been learning Jewish Civil Law (Choshen Mishpat) for about 15 years and my Chavrusa is a Rosh Kollel Choshen Mishat in Yerushalayim. I am also a divorce survivor. Every Halachic authority from Moshe Rabbeinu calls my ex-wife, a secular court aficionado, a “Rasha” except the Aruch HaShulchan. The Aruch HaShulchan calls her a “Rasha Gamour” (complete Rasha). See Choshen Mishpat Chapter 26 in all relevant Seforim.
1. It is completely forbidden to take a monetary dispute to secular court without the permission (preferably written) of a Bais Din.
2. The only reason why it is not necessary to obtain the permission of a Bais Din to obtain a divorce decree from a secular court is because in (most) western countries marriage and divorce are under the absolute authority of the secular court system.
3. My ex-wife went to a prominent rabbi and asked, “Is it permissible to go to secular court to obtain a divorce?” He said “Yes.”
4. She interpreted that to mean she had Halachic permission to litigate any issue she wanted to. The deceived rabbi declared, “When I told her she could go to court, that was just for the divorce decree. Any other issues have to be taken to Bais Din.”
5. Because of her lawless behavior, the Bais Din declared her in contempt four separate times. That might be a New York record. At one point she sued me for almost $1,000,000 of support and related financial issues even though at the time I was earning about $40,000 a year with no significant assets and no wealthy relatives. After years of separation, I told her that I wanted to give her a Get. She responded that she would refuse to accept it.
6. There could be some circumstances when a party filing a motion in a divorce case in secular court would be a Moser. Certainly, one would be a Moser for filing a criminal charge (domestic violence) against someone (your spouse) when the charge is completely false.
7. The Halachic requirement that all divorce issues (other than the decree itself) be litigated in Bais Din includes all issues including alimony, child custody, child support, property distribution, visitation, … absolutely every issue except the decree itself.
8. However, as with every important life decision, the selection of a Bais Din requires some research and careful consideration. Ask some respected rabbi for his recommendation. I advise everyone to go to a professional, standing Bais Din. Sometimes divorce candidates who go to an Ad Hoc Bais Din (ZABLAH) get victimized a second time. Professional Bais Dins, on the other hand, are professional and are unlikely to commit outright, incontrovertible Torah violations (Issurei D’Oraisa) in their handling of the case.
9. A Bais Din will generally provide a party written permission to litigate in secular court when either 1) no Bais Din can handle the case or 2) the other party has demonstrated, implicitly or explicitly, his/her unwillingness to participate in a Din Torah.
10. Good luck to you. Do not listen to the advice of your Yetzer Hara and litigate financial matters and custody in secular court. Act like a Torah Jew.
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