“Maybe the whole shidduch system is faulty – 5-6 dates and an engagement is announced! Making a lifetime commitment takes more than that brief period of time”
I haven’t written on here for a very long time but when I read your post…Yossi please, I got engaged after 7 meetings and I am very happily married bH. Funny thing is that one of my friends just got divorced after 5 months of maariage and she went out with her husband for 6 MONTHS. It has NOTHING to do with it. Do chassidim who meet for a very short amount of time have a higher divorce rate?? And one more thing, my huband was just speaking about this with his Rav the other day. He said whats the point of all this dating if you don’t really get to know the person anyway till after you’re married? And you know what our Rav said without even thinking twice? He said THERE IS NO POINT!!! He said as long as there is no obvious things that bother you there is no other reason to continue dating, because for what??
This is not in lines with the thinking today, but realistically, isn’t there more of a chance for a marriage to work if the couple knows each other for two months over two weeks? Granted, there are many people who are very happy after knowing their spouse for a month (which is probably average or more than average today), but how many people say they wish they had gone out for a longer time? Isn’t it better to be safe than sorry? And the reason the short thing work for some people and the long thing for others, is possibly because they are more emotionally ready? How many people are rushed into an engagement, by a parent, friend, or just by the excitement of being engaged and are not emotionally ready?
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I once heard from Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky, (paraphrasing) the people with the best marriages are the ones who walk in expecting to give 80%.
Could someone explain to me why everything is a crisis? An issue, maybe. But a crisis?!