To those who stated that divorce is absolutely not an option, and the couple must make it work, I say the following from personal experience.
I was a VERY giving husband for over twenty years. Helped out a lot with every aspect of running a household and raising the kids. Always remembered b-days, anniversaries, flowers for Yom Tov etc.
Never raised my voice to her, nor (needless to say) my hand.
After 20 years, she had some complaints about me which she stated that had been bothering her for many years. I first asked why she did not voice them earlier, for which she did not have much of an answer. I tried very hard to address the issues and to rectify the things that were bothering her about me. I also said we need to go to counseling, which she absolutely refused to do. So I went by myself (davka) to a frum woman, because I wanted to hear from a woman’s perspective. Whatever I tried did not work. If anything, my ex kept saying “you’re trying too hard. It’s not natural. Just be yourself and everything will be fine”. Well, five years of trying to be myself and trying everything to address her concerns, were getting me nowhere. The longer this went on, the more upset I became about the situation. I lost 60 lbs (was never heavy to begin with) because I could not eat.
My Rav and this frum psychologist both stated unequivocally that I MUST get divorced. If my ex is refusing counseling, then I have have no choice. My MD said this will kill me eventually, as I kept losing weight and that my kids need a divorced father more than a dead one.
So, although I dreaded doing it, I made the move. B”H my kids adjusted very well, as I am very involved in their lives. I am told this is THE most important factor for the well being of the children.
Bottom line….I have no regrets about GETTING divorced, but I am having problems BEING divorced. There is no doubt that there is still some stigma attached to divorce and I am the only one in my entire extended family who is (I know this is rare).
I get very lonely and depressed when my kids are not with me for Shabbos and Yom Tov. I get invited to people all the time, but while being alone is no fun, I find it easier than being with other families when I know MY family is elsewhere.
Sorry for getting off topic. Just wanted to make the points that divorce IS sometimes necessary and that kids can sometimes come out intact. I know it aint over till it’s over, but so far they are B”H doing very well. They have lots of friends and are doing well in school. I hope, though, that this will not affect their shidduch prospects……