Shan:
What I object to is the community acceptance and the seminaries/yeshivos that teach that this is a normal (or, the ONLY way) to go. To have the boy demand that the girl’s parents support him. To have the girl’s parents (in many situations) worry how they will marry off their daughters when there is no way they can afford to support son in laws.
I’m sorry, but I agree wholeheartedly with HashemLovesMe. I think it is sad that this is considered the ‘ideal’ in many places. I could never be happily married and raising a family knowing that i was mooching off of my parents and that they had gray hair from worrying how they were going to pay their mortgage bill that month. The very thought twists my insides. I owe my parents so much; I also owe them that when I am old & mature enough to get married, I will find my way just like they did.
If someone has enough money to live comfortably AND support their kids?? Then go right ahead! I have no problem whatsover with that! But reading some other threads on the CR here, somehow it doesn’t seem to be that way very often… (just look at threads regarding tuition in various communities).
And just by the way: the fact that my father works makes him no less of a talmud chacham than others who learn. BH, my father happens to be very learned, and spends a nice amount of time each night in beis medrash. This, in addition to working hard all day. The concept of you either go out to work or you go out to learn is completely untrue. If you truly want to, you can do both.
Sorry for the rant. Phewwwwwwwww now I feel better. As some people know (kapusta, you around here anywhere??), this is a topic I feel very strongly about.