Ben Torah. Again. Dowry does not = support in the context that it is being used here. Support in the current context was for the very best bachurim.
And you ARE correct it is NOT incumbent upon ANY bachur to marry any girl who does not come along with a dowry OR a commitment of support. The problem I think people have is that it has simply become the expectation that not only is a dowry provided, but dowry has been redefined to also mean supporting AND it is something that must be done for every bachur, for after all, every bachur is the best in the chaburah.
I think what people want to say, but are afraid to say, is that shidduchim has almost become a game where you shakedown (and yes, I am aware of the implications of this term)the parents of a girl for “x” just so that you will agree to a date. Please, oh please I hope that AZ is not reading this, but it is my belief that this is THE prime cause of todays shidduch problems. Too many parents either refuse to be shaken down or simply do not have the financial ability to pony up the cash demanded.