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i havent read everything, but it sounds to me like your afraid of her. like she has this fear about her that she manipulates you to do things for her, sort of almost like the “class queens” (in classes with girls) who no one really likes and aren’t really popular but everyone is scared. They’re scared to stick up for themselves, scared to tell her she’s out… well it sounds exactly like that in an adult form. You are scared to say no, and even when you do you feel really awful about it. CHESED BEGINS AT HOME. if you are able to help others and not neglect your family great. One thing that proves that she’s a mass manipulator, and instills fear, is that she is never grateful. My advice, maybe ask a rav or someone who is very people smart to get out of this. (i know someone who had to deal with a mass manipulator in their class throughout all of their school years, they got help and they were the only one who wasn’t afraid of this “class queen”)Hatzlocho raba