The worst thing is to tell a woman whose child has died, rachmona litzlan, “Don’t worry, you’re young, you’ll have more children.” My sister-in-law law’s 12 year old daughter (the elder of two daughters)died very suddenly, and people kept telling her this. She never had another child after this. the two she had were miracles to begin with. And whatever you do, don’t tell someone their loss is a bracha because the person was suffering, or that a young person who died, “at least died without sin “(people said this to my SIL also, and she was dumbfounded. She was not frum, but her attitude was that her daughter was a sweet, well-behaved, respectful child, so what possible sin could she have had had she lived????
You are right, SJS, people want to ehar ncie things about their loved ones, not some meaningless and often very stupid nonsense that they say either out of ignorance or because they feel the need to fill the silence.