Reply To: Time For Truth: Why Won't You Date A Ba'alas Teshuva?

phrum: What I am looking for in a shidduch is a personal question and I don’t feel that this public forum is an appropriate way to discuss it. I have seen in all communities that there are different fears and prejudices against ba’alei teshuva. I have also seen in all communities that there are people who respect ba’alei teshuva. The shadchanim, unfortunately, don’t always suggest my name to a boy because they assume that his parents wouldn’t go for it. Many shadchanim have these prejudices themselves and do not advocate for ba’alei teshuva in the same way as they do for FFBs. They encourage us to settle and tell us to be realistic because no boy like what we are looking for would want to go out with a ba’alas teshuva unless something was wrong with him physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially, mentally, etc.

Tzvi Hirsh: Many of my friends unfortunately have unhappy family situations but there are many of us who have very supportive families. This could be revealed with proper checking. Either way, is a boy marrying the girl for her or for her parents? Would he really say no to his bashert because her parents were too difficult?

msseeker: You mistakenly think that anyone who wasn’t raised frum was an immoral person… I am not interested in anyone who is or was immoral. I am happy to date BTs or FFBs who are and always have been moral people. I see no hypocrisy there.

tzippi: B”H I don’t know anything about needles. I’ve never taken any drugs besides prescribed antibiotics.

real-brisker: Just like people from any group, there are different types of ba’alei teshuva and ba’alei teshuva can end up integrating into various frum circles across the spectrum. Being a BT doesn’t automatically mean that the hashkafa is different from an FFB, it just depends which community they identify with–a BT has a unique opportunity to be exposed to every type out there and choose to become part of the community that they feel is best for them.

Poster: Amen! Thank you very much!