Mdd, is there a better way? A list of twenty girls, – it’s wrong not to check out each one and not have a filtering mechanism? That’s how the world works; shidduchim are not a gemach. It’s not fair. I know. But because it’s not fair doesn’t mean it’s broken. I don’t believe things can be different. Stereotypes exist and are useful; we just need to play them as best as we can.
Aishes Chayil-
No, you won’t.
IYH you will have an excellent boy, fine & shtark (from Brisk, of course), and you too will be inundated with phone calls and names. And you to will say “DAAAH! Ok, let’s, they say this seminary is excellent, these families seem great – OK, that will give me five names. And this one taught my daughter last year, and the fact they have money doesn’t hurt, and Chani told me she was really pretty, so I’m going to check into her first. And take the phone off the hook.”
And if someone redts your gem a Baalas Teshuvah, you too smile politely and not write down the name. At best, presumably you won’t be insulted.
You should be zoche to see my words come true; this is the way it is, and I don’t believe it can be differently.
And it will be unfair. And it will be the only thing you’ll be able to do. Because it will be about your son, not about fair. And why not go with the shidduch without any question marks? Of course, you may feel a nagging guilt, but your son will take priority.
Again, doesn’t mean it’s fair. It’s not. But nothing is fair; that is the nature of this world. Play the system; we just need to wary of believing in the system – and letting it define who we are. Because the system gives you a hard time doesn’t that will be any less of a wife. It’s just, well , the system.