Been there personally, professionally and as a parent. I spend as much time educating parents on sensory stuff as helping the kids manage. Each kid is different, even though they are so alike, so not all advice is generic. I will throw out a couple tricks I have used with success. First, inside out sock are often as good as seamless. A shoe that is 1/2 size too big will sometimes prevent the sock from being annoying because the toes have more room. I have dealt with tzitzis and button down shirts too. I find there are generally three rules of thumb that I hold consistent.
1) Never avoid the dislike but never force it. You have to ‘keep their toes in the water’ to prevent developing anxiety over the dislikes.
2) Sensory issues on a kid with sensory dysfunction should be treated ASAP by an OT. If you get a good therapist it always works at least a little. If it doesn’t work, switch therapists.
3) Sensory issues on a kid on the spectrum are harder to eradicate but can be ‘accommodated’, ‘dealt with’, ‘worked on’ (choose your buzz word)
The most success I have had is when the child trusts me completely that I will never force these ‘toxic’ things/feelings on him. For those who can understand the language, I tell them that there are things they CAN’T tolerate, and there are things they would rather not tolerate (but in a BIG way) and I will definitely make them do things they prefer not to do but I will NEVER cross the line. When they really trust, they will sometimes meet me an inch at a time.
Sorry for the lecture, I love this subject and autistic kids. I think I was either a gilgul of an autistic person or I was supposed to be one but wasn’t. I think they are the most spiritual beings.
Here’s my huge hashkofik quandry. I believe that it is no coincidence that if you list the things that the sensory kids struggle with the most:
dress clothes
button down shirts
belts
socks/stockings
sitting for long periods
crowded/noisy places
you will have a list of how a frum person needs to dress, behave or spend his day. Is this the challenge of our generation?