Joining the bandwagon:
Wolf, if you really do have a low self esteem, it is a puzzle. Just from your posts, we can tell that you are intelligent, thought out, have alot of common sense and a straight head, have a stable job and contribute to your business’ value. You actually stick up for your positions. You do believe that you are at least up to par with anyone here that you converse with. How do you reconcile all that. Perhaps you are just thinking about yourself too much. What’s the difference what you are, be happy and look ahead.
One of the Slonimer Rebbes said that you should look at yourself as a fly amongst flies. Perhaps you’re something, perhaps you’re nothing; what’s the difference.
As far as your Neshama is concerned, you obviously agree that it is holy and your job is holy. Use that as a pride amongst the nations. Even if you feel that you are far from fulfilling your purpose, there is no reason for feeling down or below that. Look ahead and plan ahead. If you don’t like what happened until now, focus ahead. If this situation repeated itself many times, so what? Doesn’t the Gemara say Ad Me’a Pe’amim? Besides, perhaps the reason you don’t feel satisfied is actually a product of a hidden Ga’ava! You set a goal for yourself that is farther than realistic. If that is the case, don’t grump saying, see, I’m a failure; change it.