I find it hard to post in general and on this topic in specific. But as a molestation victim I have to say that I agree with the theory of mining in New Zealand. There are some incorrect messages out there though. The molestation happening in some dorms and houses between boys may have a lot to do with hormones and lack of outlet (although I don’t know if I would give the latter too much credit). That was the circumstances under which I sufferred. And those boys have some serious problems of their own. But the men out there who are molesting boys are NOT doing it because the are gay and have nowhere else to turn. Pedophiles are addicts and in a league of their own. They are ill and they are dangerous. And chasing them out of the city means chasing them into a city. They need to stay under careful watch of everyone around them who should know that they are not to use the mikva-os or shul bathrooms etc. Let them eat by the Rav, but not when single moms are there with their kids who now think these men are friends. Personally, I would rather they get hit by cars and die, but I do think they need to be watched, and not chased. Also, I remember telling my mother and she did nothing. Many of my friends did likewise. But I MUST say, that years and years later, when I play back the words I gave my mother as a VERY young child, it was something like this,”I really don’t like when X comes over” “Don’t let X come over because he bothers me” I even think she asked me if he did anything bad and I was too scared to tell the truth and said no. But in my mind she should have known.And please don’t put my mother on the firing line. I spoke to her many years later and cleared up the issue. We talked about many of her friends who also got vague types of ‘reports’ at a time when people just wouldn’t have an inkling that this was going on. And if she believed me, and if she somehow got me to testify against this person, I have to tell you that by law it would have been nothing more than a misdemeanor. I am NOT defending anyone here, I just think people should understand how complicating this is, how careful we need to be to listen to the most subtle of messages.
And what I will forever have charata for is the following story. After years of my own abuse I had a close friend who was not very careful of nivul peh in general. When the name of a certain Rav was mentioned he would always say (with a laugh), “Oh that’s the one that grabbed for my crotch”. And do you know what I used to say? I used to say, “Shut up. You are such a jerk. Will you stop talking like that in front of me”. He would laugh again, seemingly at his own joke. If he was still alive I would apologize for not listening harder.