Simplify, Your husband and children want a relaxed wife and mother more then they want 3 kugels and 4 kinds of cake.Prepare the absolute basics, and as others have said try to prepare ahead and freeze if possible. I try to make soup only once a month the same for cakes and kugels. Try side dishes that are less time consuming, rice or farfel instead of kugel.
I know it is easier said then done but really try and regard the mess as a bracha a clean orderly house on shabbos is probably a house without children. Depending on the age of your kids try thinking of games to play together with them rather then toys they play with. Hide and seek and charades require no small pieces and hopefully leave no mess, your kids will love that you are playing too.Special toys that only come out for shabbos can also be help.
As for menuchas shabbos if at all possible send the kids out for an hour or two so you can get that much deserved shabbos nap in,trade off with a neighbor,ask a bais yakkov girl or as last resort beg your husband..
Hatzlacha Rabah