clever, your story really hurts. But as other posters said:
1) Yiddishkeit is not all about the community of Yidden, its a relationship with Hashem. Hashem is waiting for you and is right by your side with every step you take, no matter what you’ve done, He’s waiting for you.
2) Unfortunately you do have a point about the labeling in the frum community. However the “yeshivish” community is not all that there is and i really think you should reach out to PEOPLE. (not a coffee room which is not personal.)and i hope that one day you will see the beauty.