I sometimes feel that I understand the words of that song “I dreamed a dream” Sung by Susan Boyle. Like a lot of dreams and opportunities have passed me by.
But I wish I could be happier, and make my kids/family happier. I wish I could let go of the past, and heal the sad child within me suffering from the pain of my parents bitter divorce as a child.
I wish I could be closer to Hashem.
I wish I had more strength to do the things I really want to do in life, and not worry what the neighbors will think or say. I wish I had the guts to wear what I like and not worry if they talk on me. I wish I had the chutzpah to ride a bike in my neighborhood. I wish I had the freedom I had when I was a teenager. I wish I didn’t care what people think of me. I wish I didn’t envy them. I wish people could see how interesting and special I am inside and not judge me from what they have guessed or heard.I wish they would talk to me. I wish I could spend the night in a forest way near the North West Territories, and see the Northern Lights, and hug trees. I wish I could travel through ancient waterways by canoe on an adventure. I wish I could go dirt-bike riding, flying over mounds of sand and dirt in country fields. I wish I could laugh with friends. I wish I didn’t mourn so much over the past, and re-account whats lost and remember whats gone.
Its not easy being a BT.