does she want to live a life of mesiras nefesh without the zechus of her husband learning? “
Bjjkid, you write that as if it a given. Her husband earns zechus for SUPPORTING his wife and family, and if either of them give tzedaka to modsos of learning, they get ALL the sachar of the boys who do learn there (Yissacher/Zevulun, remember?).
Have you recently graduated from high school (or are presently a student)? I don’t mean that as a dig at you, so please do not read it that way. I just see certain sentiments being expressed that sound very “kollel wife hashkafa”-ish, as might be impressed upon a Beis Yaakov girl.