Health is correct, ADHD is a mental illness as per the DSM. However, in the frum community, mental illness is far more stigmatized than learning issues, which is the primary problem with most ADHD kids. In that sense, it is not a mental illness as many people grow out of it – it is far more a developmental issue, some people have great focusing abilities, some struggle, and some never develop it and always need medication.
Therefore, anyone who knows anything about ADD/ADHD would not worry too much about the genetics, as it is something that you cannot predict based on genetics and most children either grow out of it or find a way to cope without medication.
So in terms of shidduchim, which the lady asked about, I would not categorize ADHD as a mental illness. Some people turn it to an advantage – I know someone who was valedictorian, in charge of several things in school, and no one would ever guess that their energy came from ADHD, and this person could be redt to your daughter as the TOP bachur in Lakewood, he no longer needs the medication and is just an amazing person.
It’s like having many ear infections as a child. Some people need to be on antibiotics constantly, some lose some hearing although no one notices it until they’re older, and it’s slightly genetic, but no one discriminates in shidduchim about it.