Reply To: Being a Good Shabbos Guest…

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#737008
oomis
Participant

“: They were eating enough

2: If they had decent table manners

3: Had something insightful to say on either the parsha or just something going on in the world

4: Decent sense of humor

5: Polite in their table manners and their dialouge with other guests. (some of my friends had very different views on life and it could get ugly if not defused)

6: It wasnt imperitive but that they bring something (something practicle rather than ostentatious)

Most importantly!

7: If they called after shabbous and said thank you!! “

I tell all my guests I am not looking in their plates, they can eat as little or as much as they want (taking seconds after everyone else has had a first serving). Decent table manners are important (not worrying about which fork to use, but they should not talk with a full mouth, or grab things across the table). Carry on a conversation at the table, don’t just SIT there. Don’t argue with anyone, though you are allowed to have a differing opinion and express it thoughtfully. Nice if they bring something the first time. If they never EVER do, I will still invite them, but i think it shos poor manners. I would rather have someone after several invitations for Shabbos and Yom Tov, give my husband and me a gift certificate to eat out, than have them spend money on trays of candy that we cannot eat (or even keep in the house because my granddaughter has serious allergies), flowers that die quickly, or wine. But I will still invite these guests, regardless, as long as they are polite, make themselves at home, and add oneg Shabbos to my table. It’s very lovely if someone calls after Shabbos to say thank you (I once got a note from someone during the week, to that effect, and I always used to write TY notes when I was invited for a Shabbos). BUT – it’s more improtant for me to hear the Thank You at the time when they are the guests. I don’t personally need a follow up call.

In all these years, I have only not invited back two people to my home. One acted very offensively to us and made us uncomfortable in our own home, when we were doing a chessed to have him for that meal (he had nowhere to go, and our Rov asked us, because he himself was going to be away for Shabbos), and one other person was a loudmouthed barbarian at my table, and said something that could be deemed somewhat inappropriate to my daughter. Otherwise, I will tolerate almost anything.

My kids’ friends (as relayed to me by my children) always felt welcome amd comfortable in our home, and in fact always looked forward to being invited over. Some of them asked if they could move in. 😉