Let me share my thought on one of the MAJOR causes of marriage problems, that I’ve never heard anyone address…
When going into shidduchim, everybody wants to know EVERYTHING about the person they are being redt to, BUT…
I really believe that though they want to know all that…
VERY often, the person does not know THEMSELVES!
Do they really know their OWN hashkafos?
Do they know where they THEMSELVES fit in to the frum world – i.e. do they see themselves (for the future) as “yeshivish”, as “chassidish”, as “modern”, or perhaps as some hybrid combination of these or other sub-groups in orthodoxy??
Have they REALLY made an HONEST assessment about what is important to THEMSELVES in things like ruchniyus and gashmiyus?
Do they REALLY know what THEY want for the future?
And… if they do NOT yet really know THEMSELVES, how can they possibly decide on ANOTHER person who will be right for THEM?
I feel before a person says he or she is ready for a shidduch, they should think long and hard and deep about who THEY are and who THEY want to be for the future.
Only then is there a chance to find the right “ezer k’negdo”.