I am not certain if this story goes to heart of the thread, but my story is a very beneficial Limud to all out there to see how, if I had abnegated my desires and narrow-mindedness, in favor of accepting the strong Eitzah of a senior Rov (a world acclaimed Gadol B’Yisroel), it WOULD have saved me from a disastrous marriage. Instead I made Teirutzim (excuses) why I did not have to accept his Eitzah (which admittedly was difficult to follow), and I wound up with more than a decade of marital pain, ending up with me being tossed out of the house and a Get. It comes down to Emunas Chachomim which unfortunately I was weak in and I failed the Nisayon; now I have several children who are “Lebbideke Yesomim” and I am to blame. My ex-spouse came from a home weak in Yiddishkeit which nominally kept Kosher. Although my then Kallah was far more “Frum” than the parents, she ate in their house. The Rov I went to, when I was a Chosson, strongly advised me that as a test of my Kallah’s ability to separate herself from the Hashkofas Zaros (Hashkafos foriegn to Torah-true Yiddishkeit) of her parents, I was to stipulate prior to marriage that we could not eat in the in-law’s house and not go there on Shabbos (although he advised to visit them often on Sundays). The Rov said that if my then-Kallah would not accept these conditions, I should break the shidduch. When I left the Rov’s house, he saw I was wavering, so he called out to me “Chazak V’Emutz” (be strong and courageous). I was not strong or courageous and instead I found some Halachic Heter to eat at the in-law’s house and spend Shabbos with them. I will spare the readers my sad story, but all that the Gadol had feared came true; had I followed his advice – I am totally certain that the marriage, which turned out to be a very bad match, would never have come to be and instead I would have been able to find a marriage partner much closer to this Rov’s ideal of Yiddishkeit. Instead the marriage was disatrous and ended up in divorce (despite herculean efforts on my part to save the marriage for years). My all the readers take this story to heart and have the courage to listen to Gadolim and be certain that their spouse-to-be is on the same page (i.e. share the same strong Emunas Chachomim) prior to marriage.
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