binah:
I am not saying that a parent should be makpid on their kavod especially if their children have a hard time with it. But that it the mitzvah aspect of it. I am trying to argue that the mitzvah aside there is still a midah tova to work on even if a parent was mochel.
p_b_a
Is hakaras hatov a mitzvah or a midah?
There is an element of hakaras hatov to a parent but I don’t think that this is where the parent gains his right to respect. Hakaras hatov can be between peers as well. And and aged person is deserving of respect regardless of whether he did a favor or not.
From the bechinah of the mitzvah (if hakaras hatov is a mitzvah), I would ask the same thing as earlier- if a person is mevater do I still have the mitzvah?