Eclipse, it sounds like your husband just dumped your child back in your lap because he wants nothing to do with her at this point, or he can’t handle her, or whatever. Does that mean he is giving up his guardianship? Make sure that you take care of legalities as well.
As far as your daughter is concerned, you didn’t give us an age, so I am guessing she is a young teenager. Unconditional love is the utmost importance. However, that doesn’t mean that YOU can or should allow her to do whatever she wants. There has to be ground rules especially due to her age. If she is a minor and gets into trouble YOU will be held responsible. If she gets hurt YOU will be held negligent and can be in a position where she or your other children wind up in the system.
Having said that be sure you tell her you love her always. Write her notes if she doesn’t sit down to talk to you. Let her know that YOU always wanted her and that you are happy she returned but sad that it happened under these circumstances. Tell her that you are her mother and will always love her no matter what, but that you fear for her safety and well being. That’s your job, that’s what mothers do. Mothers are very protective of their children, and that you tried your hardest to protect her all these years but under the circumstances YOU were not in control of the situation (which she probably knows).
Let her know that although you don’t approve of what she is doing you love her no matter what and you would like to set up an agreement with her that you can both be comfortable with. People that live together, families need to be considerate of each other and although she might know that she is ok, YOU do not know that and you are imagining all kinds of terrible scenarios when she disappears like that. Let her know that YOU can’t sleep if she is NOT at home safe and sound. Let her know that when your children were taken away from you, you were up many nights missing them and worrying about their health, safety and well being. Having her home again is like finding missing pieces to a puzzle and plugging up the empty holes in your heart, but when she does things that are dangerous it takes YOU back to very traumatic times.
You can be straightforward and honest with her because she WANTS to be treated as an adult. She THINKS she is acting like an adult by staying out all night and making her own choices. It is up to you to guide her to make better choices. That is not going to be easy.
What about school? Is she in school? Did she finish High School? Where is she holding with that? Who are her friends? Ask her about them, offer to meet them. Don’t be a stranger or the housekeeper you are her Mother and you have to integrate into her life. She is NOT in a hotel, she is in her home and a member of the family.
Does she allow you to hug her? Does she allow you to get close to her? This is an important question as well. If you can’t get close physically or verbally, leave her notes in her room, on her bed. Do small things for her that you remember she liked as a child. Her favorite food, cake or cookies. Her favorite fragrance.
Always Here, I too was on the MASK email forum. I advocated unconditional love no matter what. My words were always learn the difference between “Loving tough” and “tough love”. I advise love tough.