kj,
Please allow me to put my 2 cents in. As half of a couple struggling with infertility for 19 years I feel that perhaps I may be somewhat qualified to respond.
First of all there are no 2 couples alike and everyone takes things differently. I can only speak from our experience. There is no greater hurt or pain than when siblings treat us like outcasts or tiptoe around us. We’re not nebachs and we too have feelings and excluding us or avoiding conversations regarding family including children is hurtful and alienating.
As I said we’re human with genuine feelings and include us in your lives……….all of it.
I hope I was of some help.