Try to really focus on her GOOD points-I am sure she has them. It is a very fine line relationship it is challenging for her to see your kids acting poorly in front of her, it is hard for her to deal with the mess the kids make, and i am sure she is quite tense having so many more people then usual. This makes her edgy and sensitive and as soon as she says something inappropriate, and senses everybody’s hackles going up, she probably gets even more upset resulting in tension and ‘bloozers’. If you try to see only the good, and compliment all the great food, and how well she handles this invasion of her space, she will be so happy that she might act nicer, and things will just generally be better.
Example: Here’s a lollipop sheyfalleh……
DIL – Oh, Mom they really shouldn’t have junk before supper (thinks what kind of idiot gives a kid all that sugar, before supper noch)
KIDS – (thinking – oh look, mommy doesn’t listen to bobby, she talks back to her……….bad chinuch, and worse than the sugar)
if DIL would say – Look how bobby always knows what everybody wants, let’s put the lollies in this box for after supper – everybody would be happier.
Paysach Krohn has some very relevant tapes on this subject for both MIL’s and DIL’s.