IMHO, parents should not discuss the names they get until they have a “yes”. There is no reason that kids need to feel rejected and frustrated. They should know that you are working on things so they don’t feel like no one is calling and they are forgotten but they don’t need to know how many times they were turned down. Parents should say that they felt it wasn’t right and shadchanim should NOT mention it to the girl’s parents before they get a YES from the boys’ side. Boy’s parents have so many more calls they should NOT tell the boys until they get a YES from the girls. If they are turned down, they don’t have to tell their sons, but sometimes they should mention that the parents felt it was not for them. They should also know that the calls are coming in and not feel that nothing is happening.
Parents need to be extremely careful with this because sometimes its a waiting game and parents have more patience than kids do. If you tell a prospect that the other party was “busy” they will take it as an automatic rejection. Sometimes the other party was truly busy and when that party is available and the name comes up again, that prospect will reject because they are still hurting from the original rejection. It is a very tricky and sensitive balance.
How much a child knows depends on how much a child wants to know and how much they ask. Every parent knows their own child best and should not lie to their child. This is something they need to be on the same page about before they say YES to anyone. Both parent and child need to have a good understanding of what they are both looking for and how they are going to handle things before the calls start coming.