Here is the problem I have with this thread.
We can fairly discuss how much a person should be involved in getting married, and how much they should involve their parents.
But, it had better be the person himself’s decision of how much to involve his parents.
The OP, and others here seem to think the parents should be deciding how much to involve the child! That is crazy and abusive.
If your child wants you to do any amount, or all of it, that is fine, but it is his decision to involve you, not the other way. And if you make him feel as if he is supposed to involve you or he is disappointing you, then you are a bad parent.
(This all applies to “she”s also.)