mw13, that story is nauseating and I can’t see any halachic limud zchus in that story other than “oy larasha oy lishcheino”, as in last week’s parsha. There is absolutely no excuse for acting like a common ape instead of a human being.
Chaim,
First, you didn’t write where you were referring to, though your writing indicated the Eastern side of the Atlantic Ocean. However, if you were referring to NY and you are from, say England, please realize that New York is a busy place and NYers act that way. Think “Erev Shabbos”, 30 minutes to Shabbos. If someone needs your help, you might be happy to help even though you are under pressure to get some things done before Shabbos but that is not the time for needless small talk. I am not precisely defining this, but that should be somewhat accurate. As far as I’ve seen, this is a uniquely NY phenomenon, and it definitely has its advantages, though there is a down-side, too.
Besides for the above, I think there is a certain “familiar familial” feeling that is present at some of these establishments, which precludes the ability to serve customers the way they do in the (secular) world at large.
In other words, I get the feeling that in Jewish stores in heavily Jewish areas they expect that, like family, you would let them know if you need something but that, also like family, you don’t expect to be wined and dined since you could simply “help yourself” and, to an appropriate extent, “make yourself at home” and simply “speak up”.
I think the gender thing is also an issue, but this doesn’t explain your experiences if your counter-person was male.