happym19, hope you get to read this, If this helps, when we give up the things that comfort us and make us comfortable, like listening to music and not showering during the week of shiva, and we suffer and have discomfort, it helps the neshoma of your loved one,to go higher in Shamayim.
To help you sleep, maybe you can try to take melatonin or possibly get a prescription for a sleeping pill. I asked for the latter, (Dr prescribed 7 pills only) I only used 3.