Bomb –
I can relate to much of what you say about yourself, as I was in some of that scene when I was post school. I had a past I needed to put behind me and by staying very visible and in a stable shul, I was able to silence my critics.
One comment about compatibilty with your spouse: Its important that you share a common vision, but its also important that you each have somethings that you do apart (example: You play softvball, she takes art classes) so you do not stifle each other, and do not become a barrier between each others friends.
Which is not to say, you need to take separate vacations, but a day every now and then apart will be of great benefit to both of you.
Also, if you get offers to go to someone’s house for a Shabbos meal, take them up on the offer, and where practical, daven at the shul of your host. Having you seen on the outside will boost your visibility. Everyone has a niece, a neigbor, a babysitter, ect, and you never know where the promising lead will come from.