Reply To: Changed Topic of Shiur – Do I Have A Right To Be Disappointed?

OK, I apparently need to clarify a few points here.

1. I never had any intention about confronting anyone concerning the situation. I tend to be VERY non-confrontational in my nature. As such, even if I was sure I was 100% in the right, I would still not have said anything about it. So any suggestions that I should confront the organizers or members or not confront them are appreciated, but really beside the point.

2. Yes, the dinner is open to everyone. My comment was really not about the dinner, since I had no intention of partaking in it even if the shiur was on the original topic. My own personal beliefs are that as someone who is not a member and does not contribute to the shul (aside from some coins tossed into the pushka when it’s passed around during davening), I have no right to avail myself of food and drink offered by the shul. Yes, the members will say otherwise and that I am invited to join — but I would feel VERY uncomfortable doing so. But, again, the dinner is beside the point — I wasn’t going for the dinner.

3. The real question is whether or not one has a right to be disappointed when a favor being done for them free of charge turns out to be something else. I had no right to expect a shiur at all — had the shiur been cancelled in it’s entirety, I would certainly have no cause for complaint (it’s not like I drove hours to get there — I live within walking distance). So, in the end, instead of offering a free shiur on topic A, I’m offered a free shiur on topic B. No one questions the right of the shul to do so — after all, they’re doing this as a favor and service to the community out of the goodness of their hearts. The only question is that am I a kafui tov for being disappointed in the shul for changing topics? Is a kafui tov someone who looks at a free shiur on topic B and is disappointed that it wasn’t what he wanted? Shouldn’t I just have been happy with what was offered?

I’ve had some time to think about this since last night. Ultimately, I think, I probably have no cause for feeling disappointed. I’ve begun to consider whether or not having feelings of disappointment about the situation are really just indications of selfishness on my part (e.g. *I* didn’t get what *I* wanted out of it). Everyone else, it seems, enjoyed the shiur — so perhaps it’s just a character defect on my part that I need to work on, and perhaps not learn to be so selfish.

Thank you all for your responses. They are appreciated (except one which has since been deleted).

The Wolf