There doesn’t seem to be a problem with your kids, there might be a lack of control in your home. It seems that you have a wide age range in your home. You also didn’t mention how many children you have or what your house rules are. BTW your description of your kids was very enjoyable to read. Yes of course because it is NOT my kids and I don’t have to deal with it. But I don’t have to deal with it because I have rules and I dealt with them even if it meant I had to participate in the consequence and it meant that I missed out as well.
Lets first start with a simple issue as cereal. It is best NOT to give kids more than two choices for breakfast. “What would you like for breakfast choice “A” or choice “B”? If they say something else you say “I am sorry sheifeleh, that is not one of mommy’s choices so what will it be?” And then YOU have to be strong enough to stick to it. Yes even if they scream and yell and cry. THEY need to learn that crying doesn’t change anything. So the next step is saying “If you are going to cry and scream at me I will just go into the other room and give you a few minutes to think about the choices I just gave you. I don’t have to stay here and listen to you misbehave”. Then leave the room. They will be shocked. But they will soon realize that you mean business and strait beginning to understand the reality of the situation.
About two years ago my daughter complained that her then 4 year old made her crazy in the mornings because she couldn’t decide what she wanted to wear and made everyone crazy and she missed her bus or carpool and it made her late for work, etc. I told her that she is making her daughter crazy because you don’t give a 3 or 4 year old so many options leaving the choice wide open. It is too much for her to handle. Give her two choices and thats it. Since she likes to feel grown up and likes to feel like she made the choice, choose to options and let her choose between the two and then say “good choice”. So she started trying that and low and behold the first two days there was still a struggle but then things fell into place as they both got used to the rules.
Yes this even works with two year olds. I was babysitting my son’s kids for a week. The two year old was eating breakfast with her big sisters. She was sitting in her booster seat and I made them eggs. She was enjoying her eggs and all of a sudden she starts screaming “I want macaroni and cheese!” I looked at her and said “Bobby is not making macaroni and cheese for breakfast”. She started pounding her hands on the table yelling “I want macaroni and cheese”. I stood up an just looked at her eye to eye and said “If you yell at me I am going in the other room” and I walked out. Then I hear “Bobby come back” so I went back and she says “Bobby sit down” so I sat down and she goes “Bobby you please feed me my eggs”. Ya gotta love them.
If you take your kids to the mall or supermarket you give them the rules before you leave the house and then again in the car. If they misbehave you are going to take them back to the car and go home and they will lose the privilege of coming shopping with you. Then back that up by doing it. Don’t threaten with something you won’t do. Even if it upsets your day or it frustrates you. Take them by the hand or dump them back in the stroller and tell them, I told you if you misbehave we are going home and then go home. They will get the message that YOU are in charge and you are NOT kidding.
Dealing with toys is the same story. Set the rules whatever you choose they should be. They can play with only two toys at a time. If they get tired, put those toys back and take out something else. That way it will be easier when it is time to clean up. If they don’t listen let them know that you will move the toys that are not cleaned up into a locked closet and they will not be able to play with them for 2 days, or a week or whatever you think is appropriate for their age. Then do it. As far as things on a high shelf are concerned the rules are they are there because they are not for them to play with, they are for the older kids, or they must ask you or one of the older children to get it for them. If they don’t listen and do something dangerous like climb and break things, they will get a time out. Then give them a time out, even if you have to sit outside their bedroom door for the 15 minutes while they have it.
Bedtime for a child that climbs out of a crib is not that much of a challenge. Take the side bars off the crib and let her sleep in the crib without it. It is safer that way and it won’t be so much fun getting out of bed when she is not climbing out. Then put a tall gate on the door or let her know that there will be a consequence if she gets out of bed or leaves her room. Once you establish that YOU are in charge, and they have to follow your rules, they will get the message that they have to listen. She might call you a hundred times the first week, 50 times the second, week but she will stat to get accustomed and settle in.
As far as markers and the like, get washable markers, or throw out all the markers till they learn to listen to the rules.
My grandkids know that if they want to go out with me I have rules. No whining, No crying and No whining. So in the past I didn’t take the younger ones, just the older ones. The bigger kids told the 2 year olds, “you whine and cry so you can’t come with us”. No one whines and cries with me. We all have a great time and I can take 6 with me at once and that isn’t a problem.
A few years ago in Miami there was a family from Canada with a few kids. The mother was yelling at her 5 year old son all day, every day. She kept yelling at him, get out of the pool, stop doing that, etc. And she was threatening him that she is going to put him on a plane and send him back to Canada himself. He ignored her and she yelled at him to stop ignoring her. After a few days of that I went over to her seeing her frustration and i said “do you know why he is not listening to you? Because you are threatening him with a consequence that he knows you will never follow through on. If you offer him a consequence that you will actually do, he will believe you. If you tell him that you will come get him and take him upstairs for two hours and he will miss the pool time for two hours he WILL believe you. She told me nothing will work. I told her to try it and NOT yell at him, just speak regularly but with authority. She tried it, he looked at her and thought about it for a minute or two and came out of the pool and sat down next to her. She looked at me in shock.