Reply To: If Im the ony one to give complete down payment to children…

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#800744

It sounds to me like OP resents the mechutan big-time for not contributing to the down payment. Also, in this “us” vs. “them” rivalry, clearly identifies his/her child as being on his/her team and the child in law as being on the mechutan’s team. OP wants to make sure that no money ever gets to the other team which didn’t contribute a dime.

The problem is that the married kids will likely not have much shalom bayis if OP succeeds in making them feel like they need to take sides in their parents fight. They must feel like they are on the same team for their marriage to succeed.

My suggestion to OP is to keep the money and not pay the down payment. Hopefully this way you will have less resentment and your kids will continue to have shalom bayis in a rented home.

My suggestion to the kids (if OP is pushy about taking the down payment) is don’t touch this money with a 10 foot pole and instead pay your landlord’s mortgage in a place which is physically very far from OP. Visiting a few times per year hopefully will not be enough for OP’s attitude to create too much friction between husband and wife.

Oh, and OP, regardless of what happens with the house, if you want to ever have a decent relationship with your child’s spouse, don’t EVER mention in front of them that you consider them less close than a blood relative.