PMTC, If you took what I said as an attack then it was how you read it and not how I wrote it. I asked you a question and that was what was the purpose of your thread which you didn’t answer. I also said you might be 100% right but neither you nor the rest of us can know that for sure and I am saying that as a coach and as someone with experience in these matters. And no I am NOT too attached to my “Client’s” situation to respond to this thread.
Here in the CR we have heard cases such as Health’s where we understood the wife and the wife’s family to be at fault in the divorce, not that he is badmouthing her in public, but he explained the situation and we offered him support. So we are quite capable of understanding the situation from both sides. Divorce is a very serious issue and not one to take lightly and certainly not one for others to mix into. We all agreed as did you that no one can know the 100% truth of the story, we can only see it from the perspective we choose to view it. You have chosen to view it from the husband’s perspective and offer him your support. You have taken a very negative stand against the ex-wife and her behavior although you have admitted that you don’t know everything.
My question still stands, what is the purpose of this post. Do you want advice as to how to help her calm down? Are you her friend? Do you want advice as to how to help him? If he didn’t ask you for help then I would advise you to seriously stay out of it and let him handle it on his own through his own Rabbonim and attorneys. Are you connected to the children in some way?
Is this a personal issue for you? Do you want advise as to how you can get over this and not let it bother you so much? If that is the case then I can tell you that you can’t control other people only yourself and you can’t change other people other than yourself. This poor woman whether she is crazy or she is hurt is going through her own issues and there is nothing you can do to change what has happened. Unless you are a friend of hers and can validate her feelings and guide her into therapy to let go of the past and leave her baggage behind in order to be able to fully appreciate what she currently has, then there is nothing you can do other than work on yourself to daven for her and let go of the situation.
You assumed that I am too attached to my client’s situation. You might consider giving thought to why you are so attached to this situation. Is this man a friend or relative? Does it hurt you that a good person is being wrongly accused? Well that happens often and it is not within out control to change that. Although if he asked you to get involved and help him make her stop I could advise you on how you could possibly do that. But without his request and without his permission you do not have the right to get involved and you would be meddling and that would be inappropriate.
There are many things that is within my ability to do to help others, but without their request or permission I don’t have the right to do it. I have to hold myself back and stay out of it, and keep my distance up until the time that they “choose” to ask me to be involved. It can be very difficult sometimes because I might be able to clear things up for them easier than they are doing it themselves but it is NOT my place to offer nor to do it. It is up to them to ask for assistance and to ask for my involvement. Up until then I have to remain an outsider to the situation, like a Mother-in-law who knows how to keep her mouth shut. With my client for instance, there was a lot I had to say to her husband, however, I would never call him or email him unless she specifically asked me to speak to him. When I work with at risk kids it is up to them whether or not I speak to their parents. I would never approach a parent unless a child asked me to. The time to get involved is when you are in the middle of the situation or you are asked to get involved. And even when you are in middle of a situation you have to step very lightly and make sure you have permission to get involved or you might make the situation worse.