I know of a similar situation. But before I tell it, I want to ask you what do you mean by cut your losses? If a woman was abused, tortured and has been through mental gehinom, even though she is safely remarried, it is almost impossible to forget the torture she went through. And if telling people what happened to her helps her in some way, let her talk! One does not have to believe the talk. And if you don’t believe it, it is not lashon hora.
As promised here is a current story that is occuring as I type: The ex wife is not a nice person-and never was. And she married very young and led an extremely sheltered life. The man she first married is A Torah leader, beloved and respected by all in his kehilla. She divorced him when she discovered that there wasn’t an aveira that he hadn’t committed-except for murder. Yet. When she started finding things out, he began to physically and mentally torture her to keep her quiet. She found the strength to get out by confiding in a different rabbi who believed her. It took years, but she was able to receive a get. They each remarried, and she is the custodial parent. She is still not a nice person, and still badmouths him, but she is a dedicated mother and it kills her that her ex is viewed by the world as an example of a Torah leader. It does not pay for her to bad mouth him-no one listens because he has convinced everyone that she has mental problems. She can’t seem to control it. It is almost like a talking tic. This woman has spent over ten years in therapy just trying to put herself back together after what he did to her. Her older children have begun to notice things that are not normal about him when they get to visit him, and some of them have chosen to break contact.
Truly the children suffer the most, they hate that their father is a fake,and that their mother does not let the world forget it. Added to that is the frustration that he currently holds a position as a spiritual Torah authority. He is under the protection of a great gadol (whom he has fooled) and chances are that unless he gets really sloppy, no one will ever discover his secret lifestyle.
If you are looking for an opinion, the best that I can give you is to remove yourself from the situation.